Blog

An elderly friend of mine has been in the process of moving to a retirement community. It has been stressful to downsize, to make decisions regarding placement and disbursement of her belongings, and very wearying on a physical and emotional level. Just before leaving home to help her to pack, I had a strong compulsion to bring her something that would be meaningful to her, to strengthen her spiritually and encourage her emotionally. I looked around at my things, praying for what I could bring or even pick up along the way there but nothing stood out. Food? Flowers? A book? None of these would meet her immediate need, and I realized that I had nothing to give her that would meet her true need.

“Lord,” I cried, “what can I bring to her? I have nothing.”

“Cindy, your hands may feel empty but your heart is not. Abide in Me. You have Me to bring. I am everything she needs.”

As I pondered these words, the prayer of Arwen in Lord of the Rings echoed in my mind. Frodo was in great need physically and his life was fading as she was desperately trying to bring him to the help he needed.

 

                           Arwyn “Whatever grace is given me, let it pass to him…”

 

God then reminded me of some conversations I had in the past. Others in similar times of stress told me that God’s presence in strength, in gentle wisdom and in peace was present as I was with them. I didn’t do or bring anything of myself, I clearly knew, but His gracious presents were available as I brought them awareness of the Presence of God.

 

“Lord, may Your gifts of strength in her need, Your wisdom in decisions, Your peace and comfort in her stress be evident as we are together. I don’t want to rely on my own strength but on Yours, for without You I truly bring nothing. I don’t want to do anything of myself. Fill my hands, my heart, my words with only what You bring through my vessel. Whatever grace is given me, let it pass to her.” I prayed. “Amen.”

Amen means “so be it” and is more than just an ending to a prayer. It is a stamp affirming and concluding with surety of what has been stated or sought.

 

And God tangibly added His ‘Amen’ that night, graciously pouring out His Presence and His Presents to both of us. I marvel at His grace and creativity. While packing together, her stress in decisions wasn’t draining her but draining away from her. My stress in feeling like I had to bring something, do something, to fix it all also faded away and life and lightness was renewed to both of us. After all, He created all things, all life, from ‘nothing’, yet breathed His very life into us. And shines His light through our clay vessels. And as we share His life, His presence, His breath, we make His joy complete. It is an act of worship, a reflection of the Giving-ness of God. In us. Through us. And we find great joy in the process!!

I love how God’s expressions of Himself and His nature are uniquely displayed in His kids so we can bear His likeness. That in itself is a picture of grace – the receiving of His ‘DNA’. As His child, it is not a thing that could we have earned or achieved, but is all completely from and of Him!

 

Thank You, Lord, that we are never truly ’empty-handed’ when we abide in You, bringing You with and in us. You provide all sufficient grace that is needed in such a custom-designed way. God’s divine grace wrapped in mortal flesh, the extraordinary spiritual life of God delivered through the ordinary physical life of His people. You are our joy. You are our Amen!

 

In light of recent Supreme Court decisions, I wonder what the implications will be, what changes to our society. I see fractioning and polarization. Fear-based responses, anger-based reactions. And yet, despite the possible societal changes, there are things personally that I dare not change. I will choose to continue to seek and follow the example of Christ, loving God, loving others. One of my favorite life verses is, ^“ And the Word (Christ) became flesh (human, incarnate) and dwelled (tabernacled, fixed His tent of flesh, lived awhile) among us; and we saw His glory (His honor, His majesty), such glory as an only begotten son receives from his father, full of grace (favor, loving-kindness) and truth.^{” John 1:14 Amplified}

John’s use of the Greek ‘tabernacled’, suggests to me several things.

–     The tabernacle was designed and purposed  to be the visible, earthly ‘housing’ of the Shekinah glory of God.  As am I.

–     The tabernacle was a temporary structure, not separate from, but nestled among, alongside, and within the community, thus by its presence and purpose impacting it. As am I.

–     The glory/splendor of the presence of God served to guide, comfort and be an identifying mark of the people gathered by Him. As am I.

Christ became flesh for many reasons, but stated here, tabernacled and dwelled among us SO THAT we could see and experience the glory of God, literally in-the-flesh. SO THAT we could behold – ‘contemplate, observe intently, especially to interpret something (grasp its significance).. so as to impact (influence) the viewer.’* Jesus was on display, as the manifest glory, majesty, goodness, and splendor of the Almighty Creator Father God.

What set Him apart in their eyes? He came full of grace and truth. Full – focused, undistracted, purely permeated, abounding in and completely occupied with:

–          Grace – favor and kindness. The Greek renders it: ‘freely extended to give Himself away to people; favor, disposed to, inclined, favorable towards, leaning towards to share benefit“) and

–          Truth – ‘not merely truth as spoken; truth of idea, reality, sincerity, truth in the moral sphere, divine truth revealed to man, straightforwardness.* [Personal side note: It doesn’t state He came full of grace and law, which was already given – ^17 ‘For while the Law was given through Moses, grace (unearned favor and spiritual blessing) and truth came through Jesus Christ.’ The ‘supernatural-becoming-natural’ reality of morally, internally living out of law is truth. ‘In ancient Greek culture, (aletheia) was synonymous for “reality” as the opposite of illusion*. Hmm, could the illusion be in determining which laws to follow and/or enforce upon others, or possibly having an external image of a law-abider, rather than internally embracing the principle at heart-truth level?]

Jesus came –  demonstrating the love of God, declaring and freely living and revealing the Truth of God, displaying the works of God. He did so inclined toward others, leaning toward them, not standing with arms crossed and fingers pointed. Not calculating who deserved it. Nor shrinking back, but embracing others with grace, embracing the fullness of truth (for isn’t He the Truth – that sets us free? Free from the bondage of self, of sin, of shame, of Satan’s deception?) I believe it was His compassion toward others that provided the environment for His authority to declare the Truth among them.  Imagine being confronted with the promise and hope found in solid, eternal Truth, delivered by His face of compassion. He was loving and gracious – and simultaneously real, boldly living and proclaiming the truth. Not acting on His own behalf, but God’s. Not in His own name, but in the name of the Father.

‘Truth’ delivered in an army tank is generally sent from self-centeredness – centered on fear, pride, judgment, desire for control. And elicits the same defensive and/or offensive posture in the receiver. The message gets lost. Can truth really be packaged this way?

The message of Truth delivered in a florist vehicle – or even just an ordinary, everyday vehicle – is an invitation, not a threat of attack. And is more likely to be received, no matter what the outcome.

And as He was called to do this, so am  I.

As He was sent and commissioned, so am I.

As people experienced the glory of God wrapped in flesh, inclined toward them through His life, so I, too, am God-in-the-flesh to others. Not my own ideas and words, but only those He speaks. Not my actions, but only as I see Him act. Just like Him. So others can see Him too. And can see His glory!

I wonder what would happen if the people in our world were to behold and capture the glory and presence of God among them through His children, truly leaning toward them with favor and spiritual blessing, sharing the glorious truth that frees and releases life with God towards them? Now is the time to be that incliner and leaner – inclined toward and leaning on God, leaning toward others, permeated distinctively with both favor and truth. Joyfully living the Truth of God, demonstrating the love of God, displaying the works of God.

So be it, Lord.

*HELPS Word studies

https://youtu.be/oSJoMvr3ToQ

 

 

Today’s conversation in the car – June 2, 2015

Jordon: “I really like going to CADD, Journeys and Joni & Friends because they accept me and are understanding of people like me. I don’t always get that from others. Know what I mean?”

Mom: “Yes. And I am glad for them, too.”

Jordon: “But you don’t go there.”

Mom: “Let me tell you something about being a Mom. Moms feel every pain and injury their kids do – in a very deep, sacred place in their heart. They feel every joy and accomplishment in the same place. When others receive you, its like they receive me as well. When they don’t, then they don’t receive me either. It’s like I am with you, in my heart, wherever you go. As your Mom I would do anything, even to my own hurt, to see you successful, joyful, well-received. This goes even when you make some poor choices, even when you hurt me – my love for you wells up from that deep, sacred place and goes on and on. So I am very happy that you feel like you belong there, that you fit in. It makes me truly happy, too.”

 

And it’s so like God to speak to me through the words that come from my mouth – my heart: “Cindy– you only know and experience love because I am love, because I first loved you, and even the capacity for it is because you are fashioned in My image. So… let me tell you something about being your Father. I feel every pain and injury you do – in a very deep, sacred place in My heart. I feel every joy and accomplishment in the same place. When others receive you, its like they receive Me as well. When they don’t, then they don’t receive Me either. I am with you wherever you go. As your Heavenly Father I have given all to see you live life to the full,  fruitful,  joyful. This goes even when you make some poor choices, even when you hurt Me – my love for you wells up from that deep, eternal sacred place and goes on and on. So I am glad to see you blessed and joyful, discovering where you fit in your place in My purposes.

Let this ‘knowing’ of love in that deep place as a mother that you feel toward Jordon and your family be a reminder to you so that you need never question My devoted love and commitment to you. There is no way you can earn it – no way you can lose it. It is abiding in that deep and sacred place that no one can take away. It is ruthless and tender, My love for you. Unchanging. Ever-lasting. Faithful. Unconditional…. yours.”

I love you….. forever……

Dear God,

            Tonight Mommy’s friend came over. I like it when we have company. I told her all about the bugs I have in my bug catcher and even took one out so she could see it up real close. It was funny seeing her look cross-eyed, so I did it again. When she backed into the couch, I laughed.

            Mommy told me to stop so I did. I wondered if Mommy’s eyes would look cross-eyed like Mrs. Lila’s so I put the bug in her face, too. She told me to say I’m sorry.

            I told Mrs. Lila I was sorry and then hugged her real hard on her neck, but I think I hurt her. I felt bad, so I hugged her again but this time I squeezed on her waist and tried to hang down like a monkey. It was fun, but I guess I did wrong – Mommy sent me to my room. She said she’d talk to me about it.

            Even when I try to do the right thing, I end up doing something wrong. God, do You think everything I do is wrong?

 

 

Dear __________________________________,(fill in name)

          Even when others don’t understand what you are thinking, I do. In fact, I know what you will think about – even before the thought comes into your head! People see what you do and hear what you say, but I can look right into your heart and know why you do what you do! Does it help to know I understand? Because I do and I always want you to remember that I love you just the way you are and will help you so that others can see the real you, too!

 

Love,

 

God

 

 

“… And I am sure that God, who began the good work within you, will continue it until it is finally finished ….”   Philippians 1:6 (NLT)

 

Point to understand – This may sound age-appropriate for a preschooler (this is actually about a pre-teen), but developmental delays often accompany autism, and this behavior has no age limits…..They need compassion, not judgment

For anyone with a child challenged with autism, ADHD or developmental delays, take heart. God listens. God hears. God knows. And I join you in praying He reveals Himself in unique and special ways to your son or daughter.

 

Dear God,

I was so happy when I hopped onto the bus. I was pretending to be a frog. I like frogs. It took a long time to hop from one step onto the other. I don’t think the bus driver likes having frogs on his bus, though.

Then, Mr. Trumbull, the principal, walked down the hall while we were getting drinks at the water fountain. He had green shirt and pants on so I happily shouted down the hall, “Mr. Trumbull, you look like a frog today!” Mrs. Dunmoor shushed me and the other kids giggled like they always do. I don’t know why, because I didn’t say anything funny or mean – did I?

God, do the things I say bother You?

 

Dear ____________________________________(fill in the name)_,

I know it can be hard to “guard your tongue” – do you know what that means? It means not everything that comes into your mind needs to go out the door of your mouth. Some things need to stay inside – and you can just whisper them to Me, like a secret, just between us. I love when you talk to Me and am always ready to hear what you have to say.

 

 

Proverbs 21:23 He who guards his tongue and his mouth keeps himself from calamity.

 

Point to understand – Though we all have at times said things we wish we hadn’t, impulsiveness and not catching social ‘rules’ is not uncommon with those who have autism – and they often are perplexed as to the reactions they receive.

Once upon a time, when my son was young, there was little autism awareness. There was, however, much awareness of a growing number of children misbehaving in stores, churches, offices – but the conventional behavioral and discipline approaches did not work. And there was a lot of confusion, misjudgments and multiple opinions regarding this behavior. I can’t tell you the multiple times I heard, “If you would just…” with all kinds of recommendations. I felt constantly caught between him and the rest of the world – interpreting the world for him, interpreting him to the world (actually, at age 21 I still do). One night after a particularly difficult time of someone judging him (and me as his parent), I cried out to God. I wanted to honor my son who was essentially clueless; I also wanted to honor the individual – who was also clueless. And, I, though full of compassion and a desire to help, also felt clueless. I woke up early (approx 4 am) and sat down at the computer keyboard and began writing this letter. It truly felt like it was dictated to me. Maybe I was the interpreter of Jordon’s heart to God. Or His heart for Jordon. In any case, I hope it helps us to look at one another through the eyes of Love and Truth – God’s and God’s alone.

Dear God,

When You sent Your Son into our world, I’m told He was perfect in every way. He said “Let the children come to Me, and don’t forbid them, for of such is the Kingdom of Heaven.” Was He only talking about those children all around me that seem so much more “perfect” than me – You know who I mean. The ones who are quiet, well behaved, smart, funny, athletic – kind of like angels, I guess. Were there any kids like me in that crowd when He extended His invitation to come to Him – kind of rough around the edges, noisy, loud, awkward, slower to catch on, kids that stutter or mutter or cling or swing?
‘Cause if there were I’d really like to know.

Am I invited, too? Or am I “forbidden” through the disapproving looks and hushes of others. I know I’m different than most of the other kids. If I were there would He see past my impulsiveness and forgetfulness, my lack of social grace – would He give me a big hug and tenderly gaze into my face … and into my heart? Did He include me, too, since He made me anyway – or would He turn away and forget about me?

I’m really not the kind one can forget about. You put such love in my heart for people, I just want to reach out to others, but I don’t always see that reflected in their faces. Actually, sometimes it seems more like shadows than reflections. Is it reflected in Your Son, Jesus? Or in Your children who want to be like You? ‘Cause I’d really like to know.

Is heaven really made up of kids like me? Could Jesus have been thinking of me so long ago when He opened His arms and welcomed those children – looking past my today and into who I can become? Mom tells me that’s what “grace” means (and I thought it meant praying before we get to eat!) It would mean so much to me to know if I’m just tolerated or really accepted, blunders and all, and truly welcomed with open arms. Is there room for me?
‘Cause it would mean all the world to me … and I’d really like to know.

Thanks for listening, God,
Jordon

P.S. Mom also told me You’re preparing a big banquet when we’re there with You. Do You think there could be spaghetti and meatballs? (they’re my favorite) … sorry for all the questions. It’s just that I’d really like to know…
… I really need to know….

To begin with, I would like to update you. This past week after Don’s surgery has been quite a rough one. The surgery on Monday was deemed successful and we are looking forward to experiencing what was accomplished in the flesh to become manifest and felt in Don’s breathing. That has not yet taken place because he has a cough which impedes his breathing deeply and sends him into a painful spasm. The surgical pain has not decreased as expected. He was discharged on Wednesday, but I took him to the local ER on Thursday night because the meds were giving him hives, so the meds were switched. The new meds had little to no effect on his pain level. By yesterday, he was experiencing chills, pain, increased coughing and no rest or comfort. I was concerned about pneumonia. Back to the ER where they were able to manage his pain and sent him by transport back to Hershey Medical Center. He will have fluid drawn out at 2 pm today.

When the city came into view, he wept over it. “If you had only recognized this day, and everything that was good for you! But now it’s too late. In the days ahead your enemies are going to bring up their heavy artillery and surround you, pressing in from every side. They’ll smash you and your babies on the pavement. Not one stone will be left intact. All this because you didn’t recognize and welcome God’s personal visit.” Luke 19:44 MSG

visitation – episkopeo – epi “on, appropriately fitting,” which intensifies skopé?,”look intently” – properly, oversight that naturally goes onto provide the care and attention appropriate to the “personal visitation.”

I’ve been pondering these words and the anguish of Jesus as He looked over Jerusalem on His journey toward the Cross. In the most basic sense, they missed the opportunity to recognize the One True God standing among them daily, teaching, warning, correcting, ministering, feeding body and spirit, healing, etc. He was the visual, auditory, tangible expression of the God Most High, the One prophesied about and longed for. And somehow – they missed their opportunity to see it. To see HIM.
Before I stand in judgment and shake my head in wonder (especially since I can quickly read the events in a matter of moments what they experienced for centuries before this day of visitation), I wonder what I have missed. It seems the Scripture often points out truths in tension, and brings to the surface the tensions that exist within my own heart.

Looking at the everyday, ‘minor’ details and missing the BIG picture of His visiting. To get caught up in the doctor’s visits and opinions, the diagnostic tests and often just feeling like I’m on autopilot for the next thing sets my sights pretty low. To miss the sacred in the ordinary is something I don’t want to miss. I can be ‘like Mary’ in getting caught up in details and miss that Jesus is sitting in my house while I rush around to serve. God has a big picture in all of this and I don’t want to miss it, to not ‘scope’ and in-spect and investigate it and grasp its meaning close to my heart. I don’t want to pass by and just see it in retro-spect in the rearview mirror.
(Cindy: Not sure what more to handle here, Lord. It feels so overwhelming at times. God: I AM handling it, Cindy. Nothing is too hard or big for Me. Notice the wheelchair escort who just happened to be in the elevator when you and your mom were going up and she was tired of walking? I arranged the timing of that small thing that was huge for your mom. Let me handle the details. Just notice them and know they are sent special delivery)

Looking at the big picture and missing Him in the details. The things prophesied were very often very specific in nature, yet often fuzzy and open to speculation as to how, when, etc. In setting their sights on what the Messiah would look like, they missed Him standing in their midst, opening His arms to gather us them a mother hen. When I set my sights on my expectations of what this day or season should look like, I miss Him in the details, the touch of His hand, the warmth in His eyes, the protection of His wings.
(Cindy: With all the people in this huge hospital with life-and-death cliffs before them, lots of pain, and I ask You for a ‘good parking place’? Sorry for my pettyness, Lord! God: Yes, Cindy, bring all your requests to Me – I AM in the big and the small details. Nothing is too small for Me)

Lord, may I set my eyes on You today, seeing You in the details and not missing the big picture of what You are seeking to accomplish in all of this, that seems random, that feels hard, that is uncomfortable. May I see you through the microscope of the smallest detail and know it is not random. May I scope Your hand in the telescope and see the vastness of Your grace, power, and love. May I find comfort in the shadow of Your wings and hear Your voice in the details. Thank You that You are with me in this opportunity to experience You anew. And may the Jesus in me be the ‘visitation opportunity’ for others to see and experience You today. Amen