Category: Blogpost

When faced with the unknown (Don’s progressive, chronic, mysterious illness, Mom/Dad’s season of life, Jordon’s future care, etc) it can literally take my breath away if I dwell there. And not in a good way. Yet, when has life ever been “known”? Maybe I had an illusion of planning the future, but it was not truly known. At least to me. It was and is known always to God. So I want my dwelling to be there – with Him Who knows, to dwell on the knowns. One of the first prayers I learned as a child re-turns to me.

Our Father – Thank You that I’m not alone; I’m not only Your child, but I’m included in a big family! You have covenanted to be my LifeGiver, Life Sustainer, identity Maker, Provider, Protector. How Faithful and True You are!

Who art in heaven – Thank You that You are not subject to earthly powers or limitations. You see it all and are totally in authority over it all! Whatever looms big to me, You are bigger yet! Help me to climb on Your shoulders and see from Your “above all” perspective. How awesome You are!

Hallowed be Your Name – Your Holy Name YHWH is as close as the Life-Giving breath I breathe. Your name above all others is the very name causing demons to tremble in fear and humans to bow in awe. And brings such comfort, strength and faith into my weariness and wariness. How holy You are!

Your kingdom come – I’m so glad it’s not mine, nor any others’, limited by sin or self, weakness or sickness. I welcome Your kingdom to expand in my heart, so it may influence and expand toward others. If my goal is to know You and make You known, no sickness or disease, no obstacles of any kind can thwart it. All things are brought under subjection to Your kingdom authority. How majestic You are!

Your Will be done on earth as it is in heaven – Use my earthly vessel to know Your heavenly desires and follow with a heart set to love and worship in obedience – no matter what I think my “will”, plans and desires are. I place them under Your bigger “mission.” How powerful You are!

Give us this day our daily bread – You gave me daily needs so that I would regularly seek and see You fulfill them. You are the Bread of Life. How wise You are!

And forgive our debts as we forgive our debtors – As I face that/those which come against me, words spoken out of a lack of understanding or that take life rather than offer it, it is a reminder of Your great sacrifice and heart of forgiveness. How loving You are!

And do not lead us into temptation but deliver us from the evil one – You cannot fall or lead us into temptation. You are the One we can trust to be only and always above anything less than righteous and trustworthy. There is nothing to shadow Your Name or character. You are the only One Who can truly save and deliver me from temptations, from anything the evil one can devise – even from myself! You are my deliverer! How redeeming You are, taking even my failures and shortcomings and when I give them to You, You re-format into something beautiful and wholesome!

For Yours is the Kingdom and the power and the  glory forever – I want my heart to be perfectly aligned with Your Kingdom mission and reign and be a vessel that brings You glory. Use these circumstances as an opportunity to showcase Yourself and show how glorious You are!
Amen – so be it.

Your daughter,
Cindy

Dear daughter,

There’s so much you don’t understand about Me, about life, about the complexity of your life and those you interact with. In fact, there’s much more that you don’t know or can’t understand than you do. The question “why?” echoes in the hidden chasms of your heart. Hidden to others, or even yourself, but not to Me. I hear it before it is even on your lips. Yet, I don’t ask you to “understand”. I ask you to trust Me – that I, as a good and loving God do know and that I have a plan for good. I simply ask you to be faithful to what I have shown you, trusting that I know, I understand and I work things according to a good purpose. Do not doubt, do not fear – I will redeem what is meant for evil – and will use your faith to accomplish My good will. Faith is a gift given by Me to those with open arms and a seeking heart. Faith is the substance (not a nice idea, but something substantive, something measureable) of things hoped for the evidence of things not (yet) seen. Seen clearly by Me, but not yet by you.

So as I look at your life and walk with you through the difficulties, the questions, the delayed “answers” and dashed expectations of what it “should” look like, I am honored by your determination to stand. To stand amidst many “unseens”; to be faithful to a good God even when things don’t look good, feel good, taste good. To believe I am loving even when you are not experiencing “love” on an earthly level – but often very much the opposite. To take a stand for My honor even when things around you are dishonorable. To “consider it joy” when your emotions feel far from joyful. These are the things that complete My joy. These are the things that make your worship “real” and genuine. I AM pleased when you raise your eyes above the circumstances and having done all, you stand. Standing wobbly, maybe – but standing on My truth, My character, My promises. ME. I AM your Rock – and you wouldn’t know that like you do if your world were not shifting sand. My daughter, I AM pleased. My purpose to deepen your faith is being accomplished in the present. And someday in the future it will be worth it all.

But for today, know the delight of your Father. Know that I am watching. Know that I use every prayer, every tear, every circumstance. I notice it all and leave nothing unattended. And not only am I watching, but many others are as well. Your life is an example of faithfulness. It is a reflection of My faithfulness and My power at work within you. Be strong and take courage. There is a greater purpose in it all than you can possibly imagine. I am standing with you and in you.

From My heart overflowing with love,

Jesus

n the midst of many decisions to be made, lots of “stuff” to consider, much in the noise of new circumstances, new questions (as well as “old” and on-going), I feel the need for space to think, consider and ponder. A place of quiet. I don’t cope well with constancy of noise, either internal or external. I admit feeling overwhelmed as I take Don to his various appointments trying to keep it straight (when was his last CT? what were the results of this or that blood test?), crossing out things in my calendar to make room for new appointments – while running the kids to camp, jobs, etc. And processing the news about Dad and wondering how I can be what he and Mom need as well. Feeling a bit stressed this week, I turned to Psalm 46.

 

God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble.

God – not circumstances, not the medical community – not any other source.

You are MY refuge –a  personal, solid, fortified place set apart for safety. An inaccessible place to fear, distractions, danger. A place of rest.

You are MY strength – Your strength made perfect in my many times of weakness

You are EVER PRESENT – with me, in me, around me, above me, below me. You are HERE in this time and place.

 

Therefore –I choose to trust in Your nature and make no provision for fear – though the symptoms continue, though there are raging seas of questions and no answers, despite the roar of circumstances, the shaking and unsteadiness in ‘mountains’ that have seemed strong, sturdy and set falling in the midst of the sea. Selah

 

There is a river whose streams make glad the city of God, the holy place where the Most High dwells.

 

The thing about rivers is that the channel is deep within, strong, steady and moving no matter what happens on the surface. It goes forward toward its destination. May I dwell in your steady channel no matter what arises on the surface, as we move toward Your city and make it joyful. I want to dwell where You dwell.

 
God is within her, she will not fall; God will help her at break of day. In the midst of my life, You are in the nearest place – the midst of me. Center of center. No wavering, no failing! Thank You, Lord!!
Despite nations in uproars, kingdoms falling – He still calls to me to remember: The Lord of Hosts is with me. He is my fortress. At the sound of His voice, the earth melts. ALL things are subject to Him. His work, His timing, His way.

Cease striving, endless activity, useless speculations – direct your heart to knowing intimately My Godness. My goodness. My character. My beauty. My BEING. I will be exalted among the masses and peoples. How could they not once they know Me? Striving will cease as you consider, acquaint and know Me. How could it not? There is no use for it, no place for it, no reason for its existence in My Presence.

 

Lord, help me to be still – to cease striving. To join you in the center, to abide deep in the river of Your grace, strength, wisdom and Presence.

I’ve recently been caught by the phrase “having a form of godliness, but denying the power thereof”. I’ve always thought of denying as being the verbal (like Peter denying he knew the Lord). But another way to deny is to “disallow or prevent” (like denying entrance to a burglar or when you can’t remember your password and you see “access denied”).  It makes me wonder how many times I prevent or disallow His power because I am unwilling to press in… fearful… unaware…. or even unbelieving and just do what I’m used to. Kinda hits home. What “form” am I holding – what image of God do I represent? I don’t want to hold back His power in or through me. So my prayer is for an ever-increasing awareness of being in His presence and being led (as opposed to driven), being available and accessible for Him to move in His power (as opposed to my own) and resting in His outcome.  His form, His power – in my vessel.  May I be content with nothing less.

To be able to look at the world through the eye of thankfulness is a gift. I can receive the gift or reject it, but it is there nonetheless. There’s hopefully an upside to human nature – kindness toward (or even unexpectedly from) others, and the eternal hope that keeps the beach ball afloat despite the winds and waves. But the downside is that we often don’t exercise looking through thankful eyes unless we’re reminded to or we face loss and then we realize how good we’ve had it and how much we take for granted. Taking without thinking. Taking without fully and deeply experiencing. Dad was just diagnosed with pancreatic cancer and Don with neuropathy. As far as “hope”, neither offers any earthly hope for change or improvement. But we’ve also experienced the kindness of others as we face these diagnoses. The goodness of God expressed in the kindness of others giving. Giving with much thought and intentionality. Giving fully and deeply.

Another grace is that as our lives are altered, we choose to live in the present and embrace the future with faith and courage. As we look with grateful eyes as to what we’ve had together, we also celebrate the blessings we’ve received in deeper ways. Joy is discovered in “little things” as we realize how big they are! Are there really little things or maybe we just put them in that category when our eyes are not just taking it all in and joined with a heart that embraces them fully? Just because life can be hard, does not mean that it is not also good. Hard does not automatically equal bad – it just equals…well, hard. Period. But life is good and a gift to be enjoyed. And can be enjoyed and seen in a deeper dimension when we focus on the second part – but GOD is GOOD! When I focus on the goodness of God, it may not take away from the “hardness” I face, but it does put it into a different perspective. And when I put on the “eyes” that search for and find the goodness of God, often hard equals good. I see things I would miss had life not been hard; had I not had to face difficult decisions and experience the loss. Releasing the loss into the hands of a Good God enables me to embrace the joy, courage and faith. Release and embrace. Release what accompanies the “hardness” of life and embrace what accompanies the “goodness” of God.

There are times I realize I’m holding my breath psychologically. Waiting “for the other shoe to drop.” And many have. It’s not been raining cats and dogs, it’s been raining shoes! Falling around me, demanding that I wear a new one in addition to the ones already cramping my feet, hindering my freedom to walk according to my own schedule, my own paths. At least outwardly. Shoes like – Don’s neuropathy and the many doctor’s visits which bring neither answers nor relief; the boot that fell hard receiving the news that Dad has pancreatic cancer; the armored shoes where I’ve been covering other individuals (2 this past school year) and advocating for them despite criticism to them – putting  me in the line of fire; the shoe with tangled laces as we look to moving Mom/Dad here with us – all the details, costs, waiting, relational stuff working through decisions with sibs, etc.  And the shoe that keeps stretching as I grow, the one that has Jordon’s name on it which makes me walk in many unknown places – present demands, future unknowns. And another sandal that has very little holding it to my foot as I release many things into God’s hands – a friendship, expectations, a calling precious to my heart,  things which spur my passion and calling, devote my time to, tug at my heart –  to join His hand leading me to a set-apart time away with Him. Good and very worthwhile exchanges to join Him, the keeper and sustainer of my heart  – but still difficult.

So many shoes to keep track of, especially for one like me who owns fairly simple shoes, and not a lot of those!

So……..it seemed very unlikely we’d be “taking a vacation” this year. Our usual vacations of late have been the drive to visit Mom/Dad or work around the home. Neither is likely with Don’s condition. By God’s grace in placing our need in the heart of a couple, we received an invitation to spend some time in their cottage up near the St Lawrence River. By God’s grace we were able to find someone to care for the dog/bird last minute. By God’s grace Jordon and my work schedules worked out that we could leave. By God’s grace we took the long drive up there. By God’s grace, the couple not only gave abundantly of this beautiful cottage to provide shelter, opportunity to rest, renew, and receive abundantly, but they had collected some money from others who desired our time to be enjoyed freely without spending time on food prep, time to explore the area and enjoy some of the sights without financial restrictions. it truly was an exceeding, abundant time of refreshing. An exceeding abundant outpouring of grace. Of rest. Of peace. Of breathing in the stillness, the goodness of God. Of breathing out, and not holding my breath waiting for another shoe. A time of reflecting on the shoes before me and putting them in perspective. Times of going bare-footed and breathing, walking freely. Grace

Somehow each of these shoes are called

grace. In what they limit. In what new paths they cause me to tread. Paths that bring me closer to Him. Shoes not dropped to harm, but to bring hope. Shoes I can embrace from the heart of a God that embraces me. As exceeding as the shoes have been, His grace has been exceedingly, abundantly MORE. Above all I ask or think. Grace within each moment. Grace surrounding each detail. Grace to breathe. Grace within each breath. Grace upon grace……………..

For our light, momentary affliction (this slight distress of the passing hour) is ever more and more abundantly preparing and producing and achieving for us an everlasting weight of glory [beyond all measure, excessively surpassing all comparisons and all calculations, a vast and transcendent glory and blessedness never to cease!], since we consider and look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen; for the things that are visible are temporal (brief and fleeting), but the things that are invisible are deathless and everlasting. 2 Cor 4:17,18

Lord, help me focus on You, the God of all hope, God of all grace. The gracious God. What comes from Your hand is to benefit, to strengthen, to encourage, to bring fullness of life – abundant – to bring glory on earth as it is in heaven. So as I put on the shoes, I breathe Your grace. I want to walk with honor wherever these may take me. Stride-by-stride, side-by-side with You.